Are you a "helicopter parent? The definition of a helicopter parent is someone who constantly hovers over his or her kids. According to leading psychologists, this is a growing problem, especially in the United States. "Over-parenting" has many, many causes such as wanting your child to have the best of everything and to also have a head start on a worthwhile and rewarding career.
When I was a Superintendent of Schools there were parents who wanted the "right" kindergarten teacher to prepare their child for Harvard or other Ivy League schools in the future! These were well-educated parents who meant well, but were so stressed about their child's education that they made their kids stressed at an early age. My answer to these requests was "less is more, hovering is dangerous, and some failure is fruitful. When you lighten up, they'll soar." We often hold our children back.
As a High School principal I would remind parents that the Middle and High School years are the last time students' can experiment, try different options, follow their dreams, and if they fail, there is a safety net to protect them. Much can be learned by "thinking outside of the box".
Television, and especially cable, have "talking heads" who are on 24/7 and they need to report stories that will bring in the ratings. Usually, good stories don't sell, but tragedy really sells! Reflect back to your childhood; did you ever hear about a rape or murder in Omaha, Nebraska? Probably not. If you heard anything at all, it would in the local news. Remember, bad news sells. Recently, National Public Radio reported that there are actually fewer rapes, murders, and kidnappings today than there were in 1950.
"Time" magazine reported that death by injury for elementary schools students has dropped by 50% since 1980, yet parents still lobby to take jungle gyms out of playgrounds. In schools for 6 to 8 year olds, free playtime has dropped 25% since 1981 and homework has more than doubled. Also, the percentage of kids walking or biking to school has dropped from 41% in 1963 to 13% in 2001.
Certainly we want to be protective, but.we have become over-protective and over-invested in our kids. We have lost our ability to assess risk. By worrying about minor problems, we actually do damage to our children, raising them to be anxious and unadventurous. Kids need to "smell the roses", study the clouds, play outdoors with friends, not always indoors playing on the computer.
We need to make sure our kids are safe: seat belts, bike helmets and other safety precautions. But, speak of over protection: Dear Abby endorsed taking a picture of your child every morning before the child leaves the house so that if the child is kidnapped the police will have a recent picture with that days clothes on-----C'mon! How would your child feel about this? Children can't trick or treat, sell Girl Scout cookies in your neighborhood---why? In the U.S. the chance of having a child kidnapped is 1 in 1.5 million, according to the government. Actually 80% of kids who are molested are victims of friends and relatives! Get my point?
The way kids learn to become resourceful is to use their resources. Our whole child's growing up is geared around "making the grade." Too many parents live through their kids. "My child is on the honor roll at_______Elementary School" is a great bumper sticker! Kindergarten graduation, Sixth grade graduation, etc. Suppose you are not a good student; what happens to your self esteem? Kids know all too well where they fit into the scheme of things.
I know it is hard to shut down your"inner helicopter", but look what's at stake. Don't over structure?give them time to be kids and have fun. Think of some of best times you had growing up, I bet it wasn't in Geometry class, it probably was in a non-structured environment with friends, family, or maybe an extra-curricular event away from the classroom. Play can foster leadership, sociability, flexibility, resilience, and other life skills. In some children a hurried lifestyle can cause stress and anxiety and may lead to depression.
In closing, may I suggest that you plan more play dates for younger kids and in Middle and High School attend their extra-curricular activities. Encourage good grades, but learn for learning sake, not just to make the honor roll or other artificial goals. Set the example, be there for them, enjoy them and "lighten up." The destination is not always the goal, the journey to it in many ways is much more fun and rewarding.
